Pukhtoonwali is a code of honor of the Pukhtoon social structure. Pukhoonwali broadly consists of three principles, Melmastia (Hospitality), Badal (Revenge) and Nanawatey (Repentance Over Past Hostility and Grant of Asylum). Every individual of Pukhtoon society is expected to abide these principles. The non-observance of principles of Pukhtoonwali is considered disgraceful, and disgrace is considered as the biggest punishment in the Pukhtoon society.
1. Melmastia (Hospitality) میلمستیہ
Pukhtoons are considered as one of the most hospitable people in the world. Melmastia or hospitality is one of the finest virtue of Pukhtoon culture. Pukhtoon be rich or poor consider its an honor to welcome guests regardless of any relation or status. Pukhtoons welcome the guest with open heart and try to prepare the best meal for the guest according to their affordability and satisfaction. The tradition place for guests in Pukhtoon society is Hujra, that is common meeting place in villages. In traditional Pukhtoon society, a guest of one is considered as guest of all and other villagers in the Hujra jointly entertain the guests. The host usually cancels any of their routine or important works for entertainment of guest. The guest in Pukhtoon society is not only entertained but also respected and if their is any danger, the hosts sacrifice their lives to protect their guest and honor.
2. Badal (Revenge) بدل
Badal or Revenge is another fundamental principle of Pukhtoonwali. Self-respect and sensitivity to insult is an essential trait of Pukhtoon character. Pukhtoon are very sensitive in their dignity and self-respect. Every Pukhtoon consider himself equal if not better than other Pukhtoons, thus any insult is retaliated accordingly even if he is among the poorest.
Badal can emanate from murder of a family memeber, personal, deliberate loss/damage to property, insult etc. A Pukhtoon believes and acts in accordance with the principles of Islamic Law i.e. an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth and blood for blood. He wipes out insult with insult and murder with murder regardless of cost or consequence. According the the code of honor, if someone fails to fulfill the obligation of Pukhtoo, by wiping murder for murder, lose prestige in the eyes of compatriots and earn an unfair name. The honor of the person can only be redeemed by a similar action.
Pukhtoon history is full of Badal incidents and there are instances when a child born after the murder of his father, took badal (Revenge) of his father’s murder after patiently waiting for several years.
3. Nanawatey (Repentance Over Past Hostility and Grant of Asylum) ننواتے
Under Nanawatey as repentant enemy is forgiven and enemies turn their enmity into friendly relations, thereby creating a peaceful atmosphere.
When a person feels penitent over his past hostility and express a desire to open a new chapter of friendly relationship with his foe (victim) and live with peace with him, he approaches the elders and eminent persons of the tribe, and Ulema’s (Clerics) on his behalf for settlement. The elders and Ulema along with penitent, form a Jirga and visits his enemy’s (victim’s) house. The Jirga tells the host, that they have came on Nanawatey, which means that the offender is repentant over his actions. The host who used to look for the revenge, exercises patience and kindness and gently pardons his opponent for his past misconduct. Slaughtering of a buffalo, cow, follows this or a few lambs or goats provided by the suppliant. A feast is held in the Hujra and with it the enmity comes to an end. It is, however interesting to note that no Nanawatey is accepted in which the honour of the women is involved.
Some European writers define Nanawatey as grant of asylum (Panah) to fugitives. But the grant of asylum or sanctuary is only one aspect of Nanawatey while its exact definition is what us described above.
Under Panah, anyone who gains access to a Pukhtoon's house can claim asylum. The owner of the house protects him even at the risk of his own life. One can take shelter under the roof of a Pukhtoons' house irrespective of caste, creed, status or previous relations. Though it would seem contradictory yet Pukhtoons on several occasions have provided sanctuary to their deadly enemies.
An example of asylum, as recorded in books, is that of an old Pukhtoon woman. It is said that once a gang of dacoits raided a village. The villagers, including the two sons of an old woman, came out to challenge the dacoits. Soon a fierce fight ensued between the two parties in which besides others both the sons of the old woman were also killed. The dacoits having found all escape-routes blocked, sought shelter in the house of the old woman. The pursuers, who were close on their heels, felt delighted that the dacoits were now in their grip. But on approaching the old woman's house, they were deeply annoyed to find their way barred by her. Displaying traditional Pukhtoon courage she determinedly said that she would not allow any one to lay hands on them. "You don't know" the pursuers angrily said, "they have killed your two sons". "That may be so", she calmly replied, "but they have come Nanawatey to my house and I cannot see anyone laying his hands on them so long as they are under my roof".
These principles are the key stone of the Pukhtoon society, however, with the change in time, changes in people perception are observed. Many of the Pukhtoon in today's world are even unaware of these principles. Also the education has brought many changes in the Pukhtoon's perception toward society which brough in the same time many positive as well as negative changes in their behaviour. Positive changes such as compromises, abiding of law etc, are good steps but negative changes such as observed lack of hospitality, etc are steps that are leading to disapearance of Pukhtoonwali.
Source: Internet, Society, Insight
http://www.dapukhtoon.com/files/pukhtoon/tradtions-03.htm